


performance

by mousecat



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-19
Updated: 2019-03-19
Packaged: 2019-11-25 19:56:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18170756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mousecat/pseuds/mousecat
Summary: For eight months Kenma had been dreading his birthday, because he saw the way they were celebrated by his coworkers. A card signed by everyone. Lunch together at a restaurant selected by the birthday-haver. A cake or pastries to share in the afternoon. Several birthdays ago someone brought in a silly hat that became mandatory wear for the birthday person. A full day of unrelenting, exhausting attention.





	performance

**Author's Note:**

> I had a shitty day so I wrote a fic to comfort myself. It's pretty much just stream of consciousness so lower your expectations.

University had been a big improvement over high school for Kenma, for all the usual reasons, but also for one particular reason that no one else he knew agreed with. 

Birthdays. 

In high school, his team and classmates had all known him well enough to know when his birthday was, and naturally they wanted to make a fuss. He didn't mind it from his team so much, since it included some of his closest friends and they were relatively subdued. Looking back he got the sense Kuroo might have kept them in check just a little - he had a way of subtly shielding Kenma from too much attention. You could call it unwanted attention, but that would be redundant. 

At university though, he didn't know any of his classmates very well, certainly not well enough to socialize, and he kept his birthday a closely guarded secret. This led to some of his best birthdays, which typically involved playing his PSP, hanging out with Kuroo, Bokuto, and some mix of their friends, and ignoring whatever movie was running in the background. (His best and most memorable birthday at university was watching Kuroo try to throw chips, nuts, and candies into Bokuto's mouth from varying distances while Bokuto did “stunts.”) Kenma had very much looked forward to carrying this into adulthood, a time when his birthdays wouldn’t matter much to anyone except Kuroo and Shoyo, who already knew not to make a big deal of it.

Kenma’s last few birthdays had been lonely but bearable. Kuroo had moved to Osaka three years ago, Shoyo was almost always travelling, and Kenma didn’t want to spend the day with anyone else, because no one else would let him simply be. However, since most of Kenma’s life was lonely without them, his birthdays didn’t really stand out. He could go to the office and quietly get through his work, get some takeout on the way home, and essentially forget that the day was supposed to mark something special.

Then Kenma started working in a Fun Office.

For eight months Kenma had been dreading his birthday, because he saw the way they were celebrated by his coworkers. A card signed by everyone. Lunch together at a restaurant selected by the birthday-haver. A cake or pastries to share in the afternoon. Several birthdays ago someone brought in a silly hat that became mandatory wear for the birthday person. A full day of unrelenting, exhausting attention. All because it was a day Kenma didn’t actually care one way or the other about.

Kenma thought it was really nice - for other people. He appreciated that his coworkers were kind people trying to create a pleasant environment. He understood that you couldn’t go all out for everyone’s birthday except the one quiet guy, that for anyone else being left out of the birthday fun would be crushing to their self esteem.

He knew his coworkers just thought he was particularly shy and needed to be shown they liked him as much as they liked each other. He knew they thought this was a kindness, including him, and he couldn’t hold it against them.

Knowing and understanding all this didn’t make him any less miserable though.

Burdened with selecting the lunch venue at noon, Kenma wondered if this would be easier if he had something to look forward to in the evening, someone to go home to. He had to immediately push the thought away, because it was too much, far too much on top of everything else, and he chose an upscale burger place popular among his colleagues.

One time, in high school maybe, Kuroo had monologued at Kenma about how these kinds of celebrations were performative. It was only about you on the surface; ultimately you had to act happy to maintain the spirit of the group. In short, right now Kenma’s enjoyment was less important than his office’s, and their collective mood depended on how well he could maintain the facade of having a good time.

Kenma thought about this all afternoon, no longer able to focus on work but continuing to smile whenever a colleague spoke to him. In a few hours he could drop the performance and go home, but going home meant being alone, as always. His eyes stung, and the humiliating urge to cry at his desk even though he was almost thirty made him feel pathetic...which made him want to cry more. 

Kenma checked his pocket for his phone and then headed to the bathroom to hide. He only needed a few minutes to distract himself and calm down. He could play a game on his phone until his misery passed. 

Locked safely in a stall, Kenma unlocked his phone to dozens of notifications. He had been avoiding checking his phone all day for this very reason, but seeing what he'd been sent lifted him just enough to maybe get through the day. 

Yaku had sent a picture of his cats, a Siamese brother and sister. Both were sleeping on a table, but one was precariously close to the edge. Yaku's text just said, _my son is a dipshit._

Shoyo alone had sent half a dozen texts: _dont forget Hitoka’s friend jut opened a cat cafe here!! youre next visit im taking you! we can get in FOR FREE she has six cats and one of them has THUMBS THUMBSSSSSSS_

Lev had sent a gift, an indie game on Steam. The comment box said _My cousin talks abut this game a lot. Have you heard of it? Hope u like it._

The group chat he had with Yamamoto and Fukunaga had exploded into Yamamoto demanding they make weekend plans because when was the last time they'd hung out, anyway? 

Kenma scrolled through more texts like them. Not a single one wished him a happy birthday. 

Maybe he was lonely, but he had amazing friends. These were all people he didn't have to perform for, who found a way of letting him know they were thinking of him, that they didn't forget his birthday, without putting him on the spot. It was a welcome relief. He could get through the next few hours, then he wouldn't have to deal with this for another year. 

Before he locked his phone and went back to work, he saw Kuroo had texted him several times. The last one said _Please ken doll don’t leave me hanging_ , so he opened the chain.

[9:58] Kuro: _Soooo I find myself in Tokyo for scouting and a meeting_  
[9:58] Kuro: _How would you like the honor of letting me crash at yours?_  
[11:22] Kuro: _I mean no pressure I can sleep on the sidewalk_  
[14:32] Kuro: _Don’t do this to me_  
[14:34] Kuro: _Please ken doll don’t leave me hanging_

Kenma knew several things immediately. There was no way Kuroo just happened to have business in Tokyo today, but he also wouldn’t lie about being in the city for work. He most certainly pulled a lot of strings and possibly inconvenienced his manager to ensure he could be in Tokyo on Kenma’s birthday. Kenma replied, _can’t you stay at your mom’s?_ , only to see Kuroo’s reaction.

Kuroo immediately sent several texts in quick succession. _NO she thinks I’m an adult now I can’t ask her for favors. Don’t make me beg! Can I tempt you with promises of dinner?_

When Kenma had moved apartments, he’d given Kuroo a key. Kuroo was already living in Osaka, but it was a gesture that Kenma tried not to examine too closely and Kuroo didn’t question. Now, Kenma forwarded a picture of himself in the birthday hat that someone had already posted in the office chat. Kuroo responded with a sad emoji, followed by _I’ll let you know when I’m on my way to yours_.

Knowing that Kuroo could be waiting for him in his apartment this evening got him through the last hours of his work day, even as he became too exhausted to respond to the jokes and small talk of his colleagues. They seemed satisfied enough that they had made him feel special and accepted.

On the train home, Kenma ducked his face into his scarf. It really wasn’t all that cold but he almost always wore one, except when it would draw too much attention in summer, to help hide from the world when he was feeling rubbed raw by emotions. He held it together right until he opened his door and found Kuroo sitting on his couch, frowning down at his tablet and looking perfectly at home. Kenma stumbled out of his shoes and went straight for Kuroo, who pulled him into a hug without a word.

Kenma cried from the relief of it. Kuroo let him.

Kuroo didn’t ask about it because he didn’t need to. Kenma had spent the day as the center of attention, his nightmare, on a day he preferred to treat like any other but others were determined to make _special_. It was the worst possible kind of birthday.

“My meeting today,” Kuroo said once Kenma had cried himself out and they were settled on the couch with the takeout Kuroo had picked up, “I didn’t want to say anything before it was official, but I’m transferring to the Tokyo office, as of January first. You’ll help me move, right?” Kuroo gave him a stupid grin, because obviously Kenma wasn’t going to haul around boxes full of Kuroo’s junk.

Kenma let it slide though, because Kuroo was coming back to Tokyo for good. It was a few weeks away, but still.

“Is this my birthday present?” Kenma asked.

Kuroo shrugged, still grinning. “If you like.”

They ate quietly for a few moments, both smiling at the news. Kenma didn’t care about birthdays, but this was good timing.

“Hey, when are you going to get a cat?” Kuroo asked, glancing around.

“I already have one.”


End file.
